 | It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's
always room temperature. ~Steven Wright |
| There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I
learn what it is I'll get married again. ~Clint Eastwood |
| You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating
jellybeans. ~Ronald Reagan |
| I'm still an atheist, thank God. ~Luis Bunel |
| Nobody believes the official spokesman... but everybody trusts an
unidentified source. ~Ron Nesen |
| The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one
can be the designated driver. ~Jay Leno |
| The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well.
~Joe Ancis |
| Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of, but do it
in private and wash your hands afterwards. ~Robert Heinlein |
| It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those
three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the
prudence never to practice either. ~Mark Twain |
| The computer is a moron. ~Peter Drucker |
| There use to be a real me, but I had it surgically removed.
~Peter Sellers |
| We don't want to go back to tomorrow, we want to go forward.
~Dan Quayle |
| Don't be afraid to give up the good to go for the great.
~Kenny Rogers |
| Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his
limitations. There is more logic in humor than anything else. Because, you
see, humor is truth. ~Victor Borge |
| Motivation alone is not enough. If you have an idiot and you
motivate him, now you have a motivated idiot. ~Jim Rohn |
| The world goes up and the world goes down, and the sunshine
follows the rain; and yesterday's sneer and yesterday's frown can never come again.
~Charles Kingsley |
| The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second
best time is now. |
| To change and change for the better are two different things.
~German Proverb |
| Change the changeable, accept the unchangeable, and remove
yourself from the unacceptable. ~Dennis Waitley |
| He who believes in nobody knows that he himself is not to be
trusted. ~Auerbach |
| Every choice you make has an end result. ~Zig Ziglar |
| Wherever you go, go with all your heart. ~Confucius |
| There's much to be said for challenging fate instead of ducking
behind it. ~Diana Trilla |
| As is our confidence, so is our capacity. |
| People don't ever seem to realize that doing what's right is no
guarantee against misfortunes. ~William McFee |
| Who stops up his ear at the cry of the poor, shall cry himself and
not be heard. ~Hebrew Proverb |
| Thou canst not touch the freedom of my mind. ~John Milton |
| The most terrible of lies is not that which is uttered but that
which is lived. ~W.G. Clarke |
| All the treasures of earth cannot bring back one lost moment.
~French Proverb |
| Clones are people two. |
| Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes.
That way when you criticize them you're a mile away, and you have their shoes. |
| Last night as I lay in bed looking up at the stars, I thought to
myself, "Where the hell's the ceiling?" |
| If life hands you lemons, stick them in your bra. Can't
hurt, might help. |
| If a man is called a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even
as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry.
He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say,
here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well. ~Martin Luther King Jr. |
| You are not thinking. You are merely being logical.
~Neils Bohr to Albert Einstein |
| Every man should have a fair sized cemetery in which to bury the
faults of his friends. ~Henry Brooks Adams |
| It is more shameful to distrust our friends than to be deceived by
them. ~La Rochefoucauld |
| The course of Nature is the art of God. ~Edward Young |
| Do not fear your enemies. The worst they can do is kill you.
Do not fear friends. At worst, they may betray you. Fear those who do
not care; they neither kill or betray, but betrayal and murder exist because of their
silent consent. ~Bruno Jasienski |
| Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it
ceases to be serious when people laugh. ~George Bernard Shaw |
| Television is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well
done. ~Ernie Kovacs |
| If Jesus Christ came back today and saw what was being done in His
name, He'd never stop throwing up. ~Hannah and Her Sisters |
| What the American public doesn't know is exactly what makes
them the American public. ~Dan Akroyd in Tommy Boy |
| I'd rather have a moment of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing
special. ~Steel Magnolias |
| Victory goes to the player who makes the next to last mistake.
~Chessmaster Savielly Grigorievitch Tartakower |
| If we believe absurdities, we shall commit atrocities.
~Voltaire |
| Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Give him a
religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish. ~Timothy Jones |
| Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee
And I'll forgive Thy great big one on me. ~Robert Frost |
| Don't worry about things that you have no control over, because
you have no control over them. Don't worry about things that you have control over,
because you have no control over them. ~Mickey Rivers |
| Worry a little bit every day and in a lifetime you will lose a
couple of years. If something is wrong, fix it if you can. But train yourself
not to worry. Worry never fixes anything. ~Mary Hemingway |
| If thine enemy offend thee, give his child a drum.
~Anonymous |
| Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being
made. ~Otto von Bismark |
| If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few
people die past that age. ~George Burns |
| Nature gives you the face you have at twenty. Life shapes
the face you have at thirty. But at fifty, you get the face you deserve. ~Coco
Chanel |
| Be the first to say what is self-evident and you are immortal.
~M. Ebner-Eschenbach |
| Give us the luxuries of life and we will dispense with the
necessities. ~Oliver Wendell Holmes |
| It's pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and
wealth have both failed. ~Kin Hubbard |
| Ours is a world where people don't now what they want and are
willing to go through hell to get it. ~Don Marquis |
| I never thought much of the courage of a lion tamer. Inside
the cage he is at least safe from people. ~George Bernard Shaw |
| A great many open minds should be closed for repairs.
~Toledo Blade |
| Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight
girdle, a higher tax bracket, or a holding pattern over Philadelphia. ~Judith Viorst |
