 | The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and
lie about your age. ~Lucille Ball |
| God is not dead. He's merely unemployed. ~Pogo |
| I married the first man I ever kissed. When I tell this to
my children, they just about throw up. ~Barbara Bush |
| You can put wings on a pig, but that doesn't make it an
eagle. ~Bill Clinton |
| We're all human and we all goof. Do things that may be
wrong, but do something. ~Newt Gingrich |
| Half the world does not know the joy of wearing cotton underwear.
~Phil Gramm |
| We need a president who is fluent in at least one language.
~Buck Henry |
| That's what's cool about working with computers. They don't
argue, they remember everything, and they don't drink all your beer. ~Paul Leary |
| Be happy while you're living, for you're a long time dead.
~Scottich Proverb |
| I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick,
not wounded, dead. ~Woody Allen |
| One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the
rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and
how old he or she is. ~Erma Bombeck |
| Seeing a murder on television can help work off one's antagonisms.
And if you haven't any antagonisms, the commercials will give you some.
~Alfred Hitchcock |
| Nothing is as irritating as the fellow how chats pleasantly while
he's overcharging you. ~Kin Hubbard |
| Everyone who ever walked barefoot into his child's room late at
night hates legos. ~Tony Kornheiser |
| It is much easier to recognize error than to find truth; error is
superficial and may be corrected; truth lies hidden in the depths. ~Johann Wolfgang
von Goethe |
| To have doubted one's own first principles is the mark of a
civilized man. ~Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr. |
| The word "belief" is a difficult thing for me. I
don't believe. I must have a reason for a certain hypotheses. Either I know a
thing, and then I know it -- I don't need to believe it. ~Carl Gustav Jung |
| For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearance,
as though they were realities, and are often more influenced by the things that seem than
by those that are. ~Niccolo Machiavelli Discourses |
| Madness is rare in individuals, but in groups, political parties,
nations, and eras it's the rune. ~Neitzche |
| If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell
people what they do not want to hear. ~George Orwell (Animal Farm) |
| Men can only be happy when they do not assume that the object of
life is happiness. ~George Orwell |
| Chaos often breeds life, when order breeds habit. ~Henry
Brooks Adams |
| I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic, necorphile, but that would
be beating a dead horse. ~Woody Allen |
| If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
~Paul Beatty |
| Bigot: One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an
opinion that you do not entertain. ~Ambrose Bierce |
| Please don't ask me what the score is, I'm not even sure what the
game is. ~Ashleigh Brilliant |
| Maybe I'm lucky to be going so slowly, because I may be going in
the wrong direction. ~Ashleigh Brilliant |
| I'll play with it first and tell you what it is later.
~Asheigh Brilliant |
| How often have I said to you that when you have eliminated the
impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth? ~Sherlock
Holmes |
| A signature always reveals a man's character, and sometimes even
his name. ~Evan Esar |
| Only those who attempt the absurd.. will achieve the impossible.
I think... I think it's in my basement... Let me go upstairs and check.
~Escher |
| Paranoids are people too; they have their own problems. It's
easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid too. ~D.J. Hicks |
| Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted.
~Martin Luther King Jr. |
| I never make stupid mistakes. Only very, very clever ones.
~John Peel |
| If you are going to do something wrong at least enjoy it.
~Leo Rosten |
| If you wish to make an apple pie truly from scratch, you must
first invent the universe. ~Carl Sagan |
| Whosoever is delighted in solitude is either a wild beast or a
god. ~Sir Frances Bacon |
| Spare no expense to save money on this one. ~Samuel Goldwyn |
| Facts are stupid things. ~Ronald Reagan |
| It is by universal misunderstanding that all agree. For if,
by ill luck, people understood each other, they would never agree. ~Charles
Baudelaire |
| Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are
interested, and the frog dies of it. ~E. B. White |
| For every action there is an equal and opposite government
program. ~Bob Wells |
| We're all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you
on the mistakes we may or may not have made. ~Dan Quayle |
| One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice
president, and that one world is "to be prepared". ~Dan Quayle |
| I sometimes think that God, in creating man, overestimated His
ability. ~Oscar Wilde |
| Never knock on Death's door: ring the bell and run away!
Death really hates that. ~Matt Frewer |
| I love being married. It's so great to find that one special
person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. ~Rita Rudner |
| Nancy Reagan fell down and broke her hair. ~Johnny Carson |
| Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.
~Amborse Bierce |
| Yesterday I was a dog. Today I am a dog. Tomorrow I'll
probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement.
~Snoopy |
| In these matters the only certainty is that nothing is certain.
~Pliny the Elder |
| They say that god is everywhere, and yet we all think of Him as
somewhat of a recluse. ~Emily Dickinson |
| The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to
go to erase it. ~Glaser and Way |
